"Kinky Kong" review

Kinky Kong (2006)

Directed by John Bacchus
Writing credits John Bacchus Michael Raso

Darian Caine
Anthony Crescenzo .... Proprietor
Sabrina Faine .... Fanny Sparrow
John Paul Fedele
Molly Heartbreaker .... Native Girl
Johnny Irons .... Adult Film Star
A.J. Khan .... Brunhilda Patel
Alexia Moore .... Adult Film Star

“Kinky Kong” is easily the funniest movie Seduction Cinema has cranked out. The two guys hunting down Kinky Kong were hilarious. But my horny friends, you know and I know that being funny is not what you need from a skin flick. Granted, it’s nice to have a laugh in between the sex scenes but “Kinky Kong” decides to pump up the volume on the comedy and forsake the skin flick satisfaction.

“Kinky Kong” is a spoof of “King Kong”. If you hadn’t figured that out already, you’ve got issues. It’s really all the plot description you need. They go to an island, have some sex, find a giant gorilla wearing a diaper, have some more sex, haul the kinky ape back to NYC and exploit him and the naked women for all they’re worth.

Sabrina Faire is the new Seduction Cinema girl who dominates “Kinky Kong”. She pops up in most of the sex scenes including ones with A.J. Khan, Darian Caine and a slew of others. She’s easily one of the prettiest girls to grace a Seduction Cinema flick. Nice hair, great body, long legs, looks great in a bikini, etc.But she’s also proof positive that looks aren’t everything. Her sex scenes lack a certain something. Oh, I don’t know, like energy, excitement or perhaps just a lack of giving the viewers even the slightest inkling that she’s actually enjoying herself. She needs to go back to Softcore University and get some refresher courses. Have her enroll in Professor A.J. Khan’s advanced class in Cunnilingus. She needs to learn some sex magic from a real freak. And while you’re at it, sign me up too.

But the real reason for the failure of “Kinky Kong” does not rest on Sabrina’s naked body. The real show stopper is the disastrous filmmaking techniques employed during the sex scenes. “Kinky Kong” wins my award for the most over produced sex flick of the year. First of all, the camera will not stop moving! Stop dive-bombing in on the action and take a couple of seconds to enjoy the view. The soundtrack during the sex scenes is also a dud. All of the sound effects are amplified to the point of ridiculousness. So if one girl kisses another you get a kissing sound like they're yodeling it down the Grand Canyon. If all this terribleness wasn’t enough, the lighting is also horrific. The ladies are lit like they’re glowing in Heaven. All of these tricks only make the sex scenes in “Kinky Kong” look fake.

In conclusion, “Kinky Kong” did not do it for me. Not one sex scene excited me. This is an unprecedented disaster. It’s a shame too because I was looking forward to seeing what A.J. could do with a horny monkey. I’m going to give “Kinky Kong” a 1.5 only because I laughed a few times and there was a lot of nudity. “Kinky Kong” is competently made but if the sex scenes don’t deliver, it’s not worth a heck of lot. Kinky Kong seemed to get off on it but I’m harder to please.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 easy to please Kongs