"Boa vs Python" review

Boa vs. Python (2004)

Directed by David Flores
Writing credits Chase Parker Sam Wells

David Hewlett.... Emmett
Jaime Bergman.... Monica
Kirk B.R. Woller.... Agent Sharpe

AND
Dr. Gore.... creature film advisor - (I have no idea how this credit got on the IMDb. Thanks to whoever put it up.)

I was in contact with the director of "Boa vs. Python" throughout the process of making this movie. He had emailed me in the hopes that I could shed some light on what monster movie fans like to see in their monster movies. This was his first directing effort and he wanted it to be a good one. I told him that the difference between a good creature flick and a bad one comes down to the creature itself. The monster should be vicious and love to kill people at all times. Ambiguity can kill these kinds of flicks when you have a beast that turns out to actually be a good creature and is just misunderstood. So remember to make the monster EVIL so that the audience can scream with joy when it is blown to bits.

A little time went by and he emailed me again. He had a script for "Boa vs. Python". Did I want to read it? Sure, I said. I received a script right away and was excited about what I had read. There were monster fights and plenty of nudity. I especially liked the subway snake fight scene and suggested some possible fighting shots for it. He thanked me for the ideas and went off to Bulgaria to make the movie.

A couple of months later, he emailed me again. This time he had a rough cut assembled and was wondering if I wanted to take a look at it. Again, I said yes. So he sent me the rough cut and a sweatshirt that had "Boa vs. Python" written on it. The rough cut was very interesting. All the snake special effects were missing and would be filled in later. Whenever a snake was supposed to be doing something, there would just be commands typed into the movie like, "Snake crawls out of sewer" or "Snakes fighting". I thought it looked like a solid B-movie.

Unfortunately, the one thing I realized as I was looking over the script and then the rough cut was that money was a problem. The whole movie depended on the snake effects. If they were convincing, the movie would be good. They could only afford one big snake fight and that was at the very end. They also cut out a crucial scene where the snake attacks some teens in a car and is able to lick the girl's nipple. Giant forked tongue action would have been classic. Instead, the snake just shakes up the car. Also, as I was looking over the credits, the main star of the movie had been in many Playboy videos and yet does not get naked in the movie. This made me sad as well.

In a nutshell, there is nothing wrong with "Boa vs. Python" that a few million bucks couldn't have solved. Giant snake goes on a rampage and Dr. Babe hunts it down with another giant snake. It zips right along and gives you as much B-movie bang as it can afford. I could have gone for some more monster fighting and more gratuitous nudity but that's probably true of most movies I watch. The snake effects weren't the best in the world but I was satisfied. It's worth a look. Just make sure to watch the video version. More breasts and blood. Yeah. That's what it's all about.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 giant snakes fighting