All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)Director:Jonathan LevineWriter:Jacob Forman
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mandy Lane is casting her spell on all of the boys. All the boys love Mandy Lane. The jocks, the nerds, the cool nerds who do a lot of drugs....They all want her. One of the boys invites Mandy to his secluded ranch in the hopes of taking Mandy's prized virginity away from her. Who will win the battle for Mandy's first penetration? Much drugs and booze will be consumed in the quest to deflower Ms. Lane. But there's a complication to the Mandy copulation plan. A killer is stalking the teens and picking off Mandy's admirers one by one. Who is this deranged killer? Does he want in on the Mandy Lane action? Does anyone care that this is supposed to be a horror movie? Mandy Lane is apparently so seductive that she beguiled the filmmakers into ditching the slasher movie in favor of more monotonous scenes of Mandy Lane. In a horror movie, it's very important that the cast understand that they are in a horror movie. At some point in the narrative, they must be made aware that there is some sort of monster/slasher/killer trying to end their lives in a violent fashion. The cast of "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" are not aware of this fact until the last twenty minutes of the film. Instead we are treated to scenes of Mandy Lane being hit on without mercy. That is the main premise of this movie. Unrequited love is how Mandy Lane operates. She stares at men and pulls her blond hair behind her ears and the boys go crazy. I only wish the killer would have gone crazy sooner so the boys would have stopped ogling Mandy and the horror movie could have started. So all the boys seem to love Mandy Lane. But do I love Mandy Lane? As a teen seductress, she doesn't really do much. She just seems to exist and that's enough for the boys. The song "Sister Goldenhair" is sung twice to let us know that the blonde Mandy Lane is simply irresistible. She is a blond virgin and that is enough. I didn't quite fall under her spell but kept hoping that she was going to show us why she was so desirable. Mandy Lane never really proved that she was worthy of such blind admiration which made all of the eventual bloodshed fairly pointless. Why die for Mandy Lane? Why do anything for Mandy Lane? Why watch a movie about Mandy Lane? The film offers no answers. Eventually the producers of this film remembered that they were supposed to deliver a horror movie and let loose a little blood and guts in the last fifteen minutes of the movie. But by then it was too late to save Mandy Lane from being another slasher misfire. If Mandy Lane could have been the object of teen lust that I was hoping she was going to be, I may have forgiven the movie for delaying the start of the horror movie. But Mandy Lane shows no love for horror fans until the bitter end. I wanted to love you Mandy, but you rejected me like all the others. What does it take to make you happy? Oh Mandy, you came and you gave without taking. And I sent you away, Oh Mandy! | |||||||||||||||||||
| SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 Mandy Lanes | |||||||||||||||||||
Oh Mandy. You came and you didn't kiss the girl in the bathroom scene. And I sent you away! Oh Mandy!
I want to bugger Amber Heard (as the bird was in 2004 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).
ReplyDeleteBecause of my murderous homo-phobia i`d have to write the title of this movie as: "All the Girls Love Girl-dy Lane" ! ! !.
ReplyDeleteFor various reasons this film has become almost legendary over the last 8 years but i`ve always thought it was slightly over-rated, i think the 2.5 rating is about right, its cult status is really all about Amber Heard who was a truly amazing babe 9 or 10 years ago. By the way, i liked the Barry Girl-ilow reference at the end.
ReplyDeleteIf the first 70 minutes had been as good as the last 20 minutes it would`ve been a masterwork of the horror genre.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason to watch the 2010 remake of "And Soon the Darkness" is to see Amber Heard and that other gorgeous bird in their bikini's ! ! !.
ReplyDeleteDr. Gore, i saw the reveiw you did of "World War Z" on youtube, it was a good reveiw but it would`ve been even better if you could`ve edited in a naked image of the 17 year-old Pauline Hickey from 1985 every 20 seconds or so, could you make sure you do that the next time you do a reveiw, cheers my old mate.
ReplyDeleteThere were three memorable sequences in "World War Z", (1), the zombie mayhem in Israel, (2), the plane crash, and (3), the scene at the end where they`re wondering around that deserted complex (superb tension and suspense).
ReplyDeletePauline Hickeys tits weren`t the biggest of all-time but they were THE most perfect i`ve ever seen, would you agree ! ?
ReplyDelete