"Nude Nuns with Big Guns" review

Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2010)

Director: Joseph Guzman
Writers: Joseph Guzman, Robert James Hayes II

Asun Ortega ... Sister Sarah
David Castro ... Chavo
Perry D'Marco ... Father Carlittos
Maxie J. Santillan Jr. ... Mr. Foo
Ivet Corvea ... Mistress Charlotte
Aycil Yeltan ... Sister Angelina
Emma Messenger ... Mother Magda

Sister Sarah is a bad nun. She gets mixed up with some drug dealing pimps who can’t wait to rip her vow of chastity from her. When a drug deal goes sour, (as they often seem to do), Sister Sarah is thrown into the whorehouse. The humiliations and drug abuse pile up until a Good Samaritan saves Sarah from her private hell. For his troubles, Sister Sarah puts a bullet in him. Now she will have her vengeance against all men. Lowlife, stinking, rotten, no good, abusing men. She is a (sometimes) nude nun with a (sporadically) big gun.

“Nude Nuns with Big Guns”. There are two elements clearly stated in the title that better manifest itself in this B-movie. I’m pleased to tell you that there are nude nuns and they do, on occasion, carry big guns. But I was more concerned about the nude nuns than I was about the big guns. It could have been “Nude Nuns with Big Knives” and I would have been just as happy.

So Sister Sarah goes on a rampage and kills a lot of scum. Is there anything more to this movie? Anything else worth mentioning? Not really. The title pretty much highlights the message the filmmakers were trying to convey. Well, there was a nice lesbian scene between Sister Sarah and another woman. That scene served as a crucial plot point to show Sarah’s tenderness manifesting itself with some sweet lovemaking. And yes, I’m just kidding. It was yet another scene of mindless exploitation to please the B-movie fans.

That pretty much sums up “Nude Nuns with Big Guns”. Mindless exploitation. I suppose it was trying to be a competent rip-off of a Robert Rodriguez movie. It even sampled some “Grindhouse” music and named its strip club the “Titty Flicker”. I’m sure Rodriguez is impressed with this tribute to his A-movie success. As for me, I found it to be a reasonable way to spend an afternoon. The nuns were nude and the guns were huge. That’s all I needed to see.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 nuns with big guns