"Bitch Slap" review

Bitch Slap (2009)

Director: Rick Jacobson
Writers: Eric Gruendemann Rick Jacobson

Julia Voth ... Trixie
Erin Cummings ... Hel
America Olivo ... Camero
Michael Hurst ... Gage
Ron Melendez ... Deputy Fuchs
William Gregory Lee ... Hot Wire
Minae Noji ... Kinki
Kevin Sorbo ... Mr. Phoenix
Lucy Lawless ... Mother Superior

Three hot women hit the road to look for a stash of diamonds. They arrive at a decrepit trailer in the desert to look for the loot. Through a series of flashbacks we learn that the filmmakers enjoyed "Sin City" and want their movie to use the same special effects. Since they can't afford any more location shooting, almost all of the movie takes place in front of a run down, dilapidated, trailer. The ladies sweat, curse, yell, make out, and eventually start slapping each other as they come to grips with their B-movie situation. They need to figure out how to make an entertaining movie about three women and a trailer. Start slapping ladies.

"Bitch Slap" is a movie that I should have loved. I should be writing about how the three bitch slapping women in this movie drove me insane with lust with their cat fighting skills. I should be drooling over every curve of their voluptuous bodies. "Bitch Slap" looked like a fine piece of sleaze cinema and I was ready to make a love connection. But therein lies the tragedy behind "Bitch Slap". It is not sleaze cinema. It is not a throwback to sleaze cinema. It is nowhere close to sleaze cinema. While its lack of grimy exploitation may excite certain moviegoers, I was devastated.

There is one crucial element missing from "Bitch Slap" that prevents it from reaching the lofty heights of a true exploitation movie. Simply put, there is no exploitation in "Bitch Slap". When you advertise three sexy women slapping the sweat off of each other, you better make sure to include plenty of gratuitous nudity. After all, if the ladies are beating the snot out of each other, there must surely be a wardrobe malfunction (or two). It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that there is no nudity in this so-called exploitation movie. For shame.

"Bitch Slap" is a fake exploitation movie. It is another bait and switch B-movie that tries to trick you into renting it with false promises of sex, violence and hard bodied women. There aren't any sex scenes, nude scenes or any scenes of blood and guts. So someone explain to me why any sane person would consider this an exploitation movie. The only thing "Bitch Slap" delivers on is plenty of girl fights. There is more than one scene of girls slapping each other. But if you've ever seen hot women wrestling with each other, you've already seen the best parts of this movie.

Although the ladies were lovely to look at, (especially Julia Voth), "Bitch Slap" let me down. It did not deliver on the implicit agreement that exploitation films make to their audience. Show me the exploitation! The only thing that gets exploited are the fans of these movies. The desire for sleaze entertainment is strong and the bitch slapping women knew that. I have been slapped and I wish I could say I liked it.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 slapped bitches