"Cleavagefield" review

Cleavagefield (2009)

Directors: Jim Wynorski

Brandee Schaefer
Amy Reid
Rebecca Love
Frankie Cullen
Lucia Santos
Julie K. Smith
Davina Murphy
Dallas Lowe

It's another late night romp through Wynorski's cleavage filled wonderland. This time we get a cut rate parody of "Cloverfield", cleverly titled "Cleavagefield". The movie starts off with a hot blonde having sex. She's unwinding before a party where she'll get naked again. Rebecca Love is already at the party having some bedroom fun with one of the girls. This is a good party. Then a monster shows up and ruins everything. The rest of the movie consists of the girls running around in heels, jiggling their way to freedom from cheap horny monsters.

"Cleavagefield" shows us once again Wynorski's obsession with filming the only thing that interests him in life: Topless women. Not sex, not anything kinky, just large breasted topless women. I can't even tell if he enjoys filming sex scenes. Every instance of coitus in this movie is filmed like they're either in a hurry to get it over with or is done so mechanically that the ladies are banging to the beat of Wynorksi's metronome. 1,2,3, bend your knees, 4,5,6, show me your [breasts].

It's clear at this point that Wynorski is just making home movies for himself. He has decided to bless us less fortunate late night viewers with a glimpse into his vast archive of topless adventures. Throughout "Cleavagefield", there are scenes of two blondes bouncing around Hawaii. These are supposed to be flashbacks that the main character is having while running away from the fattest monster in the world. But in reality they are flashbacks that Wynorski is having to his Hawaiian trip he took with these ladies. He has them vamp it up for his camera as they strip to please him. He also manages to coax a halfhearted sex scene out of them before losing interest. Once he's seen you pop the top a few dozen times, his mind starts to wander onto other breasts.

But there's one woman who doesn't stray far from Wynorski's mind, and that woman is Julie Smith. Everybody needs their muse and Miss JKS doesn't disappoint. Although I'm disappointed that she didn't show up in "Cleavagefield" until the very end of the movie. Wynorski should have known better than to hide his best babe away until the end.

Near the end of the movie, Rebecca Love shows up in Sgt. Julie Smith's laboratory to get checked out. Smith is a thorough doctor and must examine every inch of Ms Love's body. When Julie threw off her white lab coat to reveal a fish net body outfit, I knew "Cleavagefield" was about to take a very positive turn. Sure enough, Julie Smith's scene with Rebecca Love is the highlight of the movie. In fact, it's really the only scene worth watching although Rebecca Love's scene at the party wasn't too bad either.

So if you're up late one night and not sure what to do, "Cleavagefield" may be worth checking out. Certainly "Cleavagefield" is nothing more than another lazy excuse to show female breasts. But Wynorski is so committed to his particular infatuation that his love for heaving cleavage sometimes distracts you from the fact that he doesn't care about much else. Like plot, editing,coherency, etc.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 cleavage blessed Julies