Demonicus (2001)Director: Jay Woelfel
Writers: Tim Sullivan Jay Woelfel
A bunch of college students decide to go on a hiking trip. One of them wanders off so he can search a cave for something interesting. You know, like bats, stalactites, remains of an ancient Roman gladiator, etc. He finds some armor so naturally he has to try it on. This unleashes the spirit of K-marticus, the Mighty Cheap. He must now go out into the wilderness to slaughter his friends as cheaply as possible.
Wow. What a stinker. This movie will convince you that anyone on the planet Earth with a camera and $100 can make a movie. I don't think my expectations were too high going in but the mighty K-marticus struck me down with his blue light super saving budget sword. I've been searching for many years but I finally found the bottom of the barrel. "Demonicus" was waiting for me.
There are many things wrong with "Demonicus". I could list them all but that would take too much time. Instead I'm trying to think of something positive to say. Now there's a challenge! Hmmm...There were some gore scenes as K-marticus attacked his friends on a regular basis. Then again, all of the gore scenes were cheap and terrible. I guess that wasn't too positive. Oh well. At least "Demonicus" is over and I never have to see it again. Now that's being positive.
SCORE: LANDFILL
SCORE: LANDFILL
whats with the length of the reviews? Decided to just summerize your review here now?
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing.
I'm not sure I know what you mean. Although it's true that not all of my reviews are the same length. But I think everything that needs to be said about "Demonicus" is here. I guess I could have gone on bashing it for two or three more paragraphs but that would have been redundant.
Ha ha! I used to look at this video box in my local store all the time and wonder how bad it could be. I almost rented it a bunch of times - glad I didn't.
ReplyDeleteGood call. I wish I had left Demonicus alone. But its Z-movie DVD cover art was too much for me.
ReplyDeleteVenesa Talor, the star of "Femalien," is quite a character. I knew her around this time (in fact, I knew her when her name was Vanessa Tendler, and then Vanessa Taylor - because she looked like Elizabeth Taylor), although I had begun seeing less and less of her. Someone had written a scalding piece on her in Femme Fatales magazine; it was really unfair. I volunteered to write a second piece as a corrective measure. She's not exactly wired like the rest of us, but that can be a good thing. She was a very special girl and I liked her a lot. The format of the article I did came about unexpectedly: one year at the Video Software Dealers Association (VSDA) show in Vegas, I ran into her on the convention floor by chance, and immediately seized the opportunity to squire her around to all the parties that night. She had an evening flight back to LA, but she rescheduled it for the next morning. Everywhere we went flash bulbs went off -- she was that gorgeous. Roger Corman's New Horizon had just launched an Irish co-venture and they had a "Leapin' Leprechaun" party that we attended... But easily the best time was had when we arrived at Jerry Springer's two-level suite at Caesar's Palace. His uneditied TV shows had just come out on video, and he was at the height of his popularity, and Jerry knew how to throw a party. He did it right. Every kind of free booze you could imagine, a box of Cuban cigars -- nobody else smoked 'em, so I walked out with like ten! All kinds of food. Plus Jerry was actually there, and the crowd was fairly small.
ReplyDeleteHe had hired a piano player for the event, but apparently the guy wasn't clear that there already was a grand piano in the suite, so he brought his own keyboard rig, and set it up beside the piano. It did not take much prompting for me to seat myself at the piano and start dueting. Eventually the party thinned out, the pianist left, and I saw that Jerry was quite taken with Venesa, as well he should have been, because she was looking incredible. I remember, I was playing Over The Rainbow, when Jerry came over and said, "You know who has a great version of that? Jerry Lee Lewis. Sometimes I'll listen to that in my car and I'll just get misty-eyed." I know every note of every Jerry Lee Lewis record, so I immediately began playing it JLL-style. Jerry then said to Venesa and I, "Listen we're headed over to the Playboy Party - why don't you come along? Please, I want you to come." Springer was an awesome host.
We traveled to the party, at the Wet & Wild park, in two limousines. The first held Jerry's bodyguards and some friends (including my photographer friend, who had forgotten to bring his camera!). The second held Jerry, Venesa, myself, my friend Shelley Michelle -- the world's most famous body double as she like to say), and a couple of other girls. Long story short, Jerry ended up buying Venesa some expensive keyboard for her musical ambitions, I met a very intoxicated Angela Little, the girl who would go on to star in the Busty Cops movies as well as Alabama Jones, for the first time, and I had plenty of material for my piece on Venesa.
Oh, I've never seen "Demonicus." Thanks for the heads-up!
I liked Venesa Taylor in "Femalien". She had a great sex scene with Jacqueline Lovell at the end which was the highlight of the movie. But I'm afraid even her cosmic charms couldn't save "Demonicus" from the landfill. Be thankful you missed this one.
ReplyDeleteOnce again you show us the right way to live. Defintely shows the right way to do Vegas. Springer's bash at Caesar's sounds like it was catered by a master host. You did your part by bringing the beautiful woman. The least they could do was give you some parting gifts.
I hope you went down a water slide or two with Venesa or at least Angela Little. Maybe some tubing. But whatever happened, I hope it was wet and wild. Cheers.