"The Bog Creatures" review

The Bog Creatures (2003)

Directed by J. Christian Ingvordsen
Writing credits Matthew M. Howe

T.J. Glenn.... Max
Jennifer Lauren Grant.... Virgin
Courtney Henggeler.... Susan Beth
J. Christian Ingvordsen.... Lord Voldhein
Debbie Rochon.... Tara

OK. I admit it. I'm an idiot. A fool. A nincompoop. Once again I saw an exciting video box cover and thought it would be good. There was a vicious looking skull on the cover with red eyes and sharp teeth looking down on a bunch of teens. The movie had a bunch of shambling guys in Swamp Thing costumes wielding swords. I cry foul.

"Bog Creatures" reeks. It stinks. Waste of time. One of the things that roped me into it, (as I'm sure the producers were hoping), was the name of Debbie Rochon. I figured she would bring some fun to the party or at least a sense of B-movie legitimacy. Nope. She had no chance. Rochon couldn't save this one from drowning in the muck. She does not get naked in this flick. One of the girls rubs her arm a lot. Wow. Exciting. There was going to be a bathing scene with Rochon being washed by her new girlfriend. It was looking promising. Of course that would have been entertaining and "Bog Creatures" had to put a stop to that right away. Heartbreaking.

So what's left? Not much. There is no action, suspense or gore. There's nothing. Throw this tape back in the bog.

SCORE: LANDFILL