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Saturday, March 04, 2006

"Vampirella" review

Vampirella (1996)

Directed by Jim Wynorski
Writing credits Gary Gerani

Talisa Soto.... Vampirella
Roger Daltrey.... Vlad/Jamie Blood
Richard Joseph Paul.... Adam Van Helsing
Brian Bloom.... Demos
Corinna Harney.... Sallah

There is one big hurdle you must get over in order to enjoy this flick. You must come to grips with the harsh reality that Vampirella, (Talisa Soto), does not get naked. No space vampire breasts. Looking at Soto on the back cover dressed in a sexy red outfit and seeing the name Jim Wynorski as director, I felt it was reasonable to expect massive amounts of unnecessary T&A. My hopes were dashed as Vampirella was pure and the clothes stayed on. Dang.

"Vampirella" is an unashamed B-movie. Space vampires, government hit squads, rock star vampires and lots of cheap effects. I was mildly entertained by it. It's certainly not a good movie. Oh Lord no. But for a low budget space vampire flick, it was fair. Just don't expect to be scared or see a naked Vampirella.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 inexplicably clothed Vampirellas
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6 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:26 PM

    Boy was this movie crap. With all this cheese, I wish I had some crackers. Despite horrible acting, worse special effects, and plot holes that you could drive aircraft carriers through, it was enjoyable as pure shlock. But what do I know, I enjoyed "Plan 9 from Outer Space." I mean, really, you can see that Ms. Soto's stunt double on the dam has a penis.

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  2. Dr. Gore11:39 PM

    Good catch on the Vampirella junk hanging out. I must admit I didn't catch the cross dressing Vampirella. My eyes were glued on the red dress which never came off. What are space vampires coming to?

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  3. jervaise brooke hamster3:39 PM

    Talisa Soto was 28 at the time of filming, 10 years past her prime already ! ! !.

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  4. jervaise brooke hamster3:41 PM

    The bird should`ve been naked all the way through the movie (and 10 years younger obviously), just like that bird in "Lifeforce" ! ! !.

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  5. jervaise brooke hamster4:28 PM

    I desperately want to perform literally every concievable and possible sex-act in the known universe on Talisa Soto (as the bird was in 1985 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

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  6. jervaise brooke hamster4:29 PM

    Roger Daltrey is British rubbish, no wonder this movie is garbage.

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