"G-String Vampire" review

G String Vampire (2005)

Directed by Sean Thornton

Chante Bey....Countess Dracula
Barbi Leigh.... Seer

Once again I saw a lesbian vampire movie on the shelf and was powerless to resist. "G-String Vampire". The tagline is "Hot Strippin - Neck Rippin - Bad Girls of the Night!" If there's one thing I like about B-movies, it's the hard sell. They sold me.

"G-String Vampire" is certainly not a good movie. Was there any doubt? The only question is whether or not this flick is worth watching. Well, that depends. How low are your standards? My standards are pretty much in the gutter. But even by my standards, this was pretty pathetic.

Don't even dream that this is a "movie". There's some malarkey on the back of the DVD about a secret society of vampire hunters but it's all a lie. "G-String Vampire" is all about slow motion lesbian sex. Technically there's nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately most of the sex scenes are set in a strip club and it's hard to make out what's going on under bright red strobe lights. The only sex scene worth anything is the one in the bathroom between the hottest accountant I ever saw and the blonde "Seer".

On the plus side, there is a ton of nudity in "G-String Vampire". But this is the kind of softcore flick that makes you wish you had just gone ahead and gotten a proper porno. By the third lame sex scene, I was dreaming of a scene from a Christy Canyon flick. You know the one. The really good one. Yeah. Thinking about it right now. Anything to help take my mind off of "G-String Vampire".

SCORE: LANDFILL