"Sexy American Idle" review

Sexy American Idle (2003)

Directed byJohn Paul Fedele
Writing credits John Bacchus John Paul Fedele

Julian Wells.... Eunice Willnotbe/Allanah/Burn Girl
Misty Mundae.... Emily
Anoushka.... Maria Snart
Darian Caine.... Ice
A.J. Khan.... Spice

An entire lesbian sex empire built around a pale skinned, flat chested short woman. It boggles the mind. I am of course referring to the enigma that is Misty Mundae. Somehow, someway this woman has come to symbolize lesbian sex flicks. On my quest to find some answers, I happened upon some people who explained to me that a) Misty has a cute face and looks really young and b) she seems more approachable, (i.e. "normal") than most other sex stars. A girl you could meet and hang out with in other words. Well my friends, I have not fallen under her spell because a) yes, she has a cute face but I like women, not young girls and b) I'm not hanging out with her so why would I care how "normal" she may or may not be in real life. My criticisms of Mundae are irrelevant of course. I see now that she is a rock star in the porn world. So rock on Misty Mundae. Give the devil her due.

All of this brings me to "Sexy American Idle". A bunch of people enter a talent contest. Every single, solitary one of them has no talent. That's the joke. Ha Ha ehhhh.. For some reason, the filmmakers thought it would be hilarious to have a bunch of people singing off-key. Hmmmm….

First off, let me state that I watched the R-rated version. I know. I know. Only a desperate fool would sit through an R-rated Seduction flick. I have no defense. I was crying tears of shame when I saw the R rating on the DVD. I thought I ordered the unrated version. Dang it.

Although I sat through the R-rated version, I don't think "Sexy American Idle" was designed to be the usual Seduction Sapphic love fest. It must have been goof-off week when they made this one. Most of the heavy hitters are here: Julian Wells, Misty Mundae, Anoushka, A.J. Khan, and Darian Caine. So what do they do with the talent? Not much unless you count acting goofy in a talent show. Where's the sex you ask? It's in another movie. Or maybe it's hiding in the unrated version because the sex scenes in the version I saw were tame and lame.

I can now safely say that Julian Wells needs to be doing more comedy. "Sexy American Idle" puts the spotlight on her and she goes for it. She has three characters: A snooty judge, a leotard wearing dancer and a horrible burn victim. The judge was funny, the dancer could stretch her leg really, really high and the burn victim was nasty. The best scene had Judge Julian getting physical with a contestant on her couch. A couple of Singapore Slings and the judge was ready to get down to business. I have never heard it called a "fireman" before. The things I learn watching her.

"Sexy American Idle" can be fun if you're familiar with the Seduction babes and want to see them cut up. The scenes with the judges were funny. The guy doing the Ozzy impersonation did a good job. Most of the scenes that didn't involve the actual talent contest were OK but once the movie shifts back to the talentless contest, your eyes will start rolling. I didn't need to see the dancing gorilla. Send him to the zoo please. The old guy with the missing teeth needs to get lost as well. One look at him kills any mood the movie might have been trying to set. All of the bad singing probably could have been shortened to ease some pain. Mundae may be a rock star but she can't sing to save her life.

Overall, it's hard to judge this one. As a Seduction sex flick, it's a failure. There's no sex that I could see. Well, no good sex. Dang R-rated version. But as a loose comedy with the Seduction babes, it's OK. If you're feeling goofy one night, this flick might be what you seek.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 high kicking Julians