Sunday, March 27, 2011

"Emanuelle in America" review

Emanuelle in America (1977)
Director: Joe D'Amato

Laura Gemser ... Emanuelle

Gabriele Tinti ... Alfredo Elvize, Duke of Mount Elba

Roger Browne ... The Senator

Emanuelle is a good reporter. There's nothing she won't do for a hot story. Speaking of hot, Laura Gemser is at her Black Emanuelle peak in this one. She gets naked countless times as she engages in one sex adventure after another. Emanuelle is our eyes and ears into the sordid sex underworld. She is the ultimate voyeur. She might not do everything but there isn't anything she won't watch. She watches horse masturbation, orgies, interracial action and some of the most vile snuff footage you will ever see.

I am not a big fan of director D'Amato. Most of the movies that I've seen of his were unbelievably amateurish and terrible. "Emanuelle in America" is one of the few exceptions to that rule. It's also one of those rare movies that actually lives up to its hype. It is a salacious, lecherous, nasty piece of work. I mean that in a good way.

A special salute must be given to the snuff footage section. It is literally violence as pornography. Every time we see the snuff footage, people are getting off watching it. Is the audience supposed to as well or are we supposed to be repulsed? I don't know the answer to that. My guess is that we're supposed to feel a little of both. Either that or D'Amato doesn't care how we feel as long as we pay for the sick thrills.

"Emanuelle in America" is one of the nastiest exploitation movies ever made. The snuff footage at the end showed D'Amato's true talent: Sleaze to please. And I mean SLEAZE! How pleased you get will say a lot about how sick you are. I was amazed.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 Emmanuelles

Saturday, March 26, 2011

"Feeders" review

Feeders (1996)

Writer: Mark Polonia

Jon McBride ... Derek

John Polonia ... Bennett

Todd Carpenter ... Fisherman

Sebastian Barran ... Doctor

Melissa Torpy ... Michelle

Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Feeders. To seek out new life to destroy, to explore strange new DVD players, to boldly make the worst movie of all time. "Feeders" doesn't know fear. It doesn't know about talent. It has no concept of entertainment. If you see a Feeder, there will be an anal probing. Feeders operate under a strict "no survivors" policy. You are doomed if you see a Feeder. Run!

"Feeders" is about Feeders. They are tiny aliens who attack the backwoods of Pennsylvania. They have landed in the hopes of finding something interesting to do. Their little heads bob around looking for a movie. No such luck.

Bashing "Feeders" is kind of pointless. It was as low budget and terrible as you would expect just from looking at the video box. I'm an eternal optimist so I rented it anyway. The aliens were puppets that looked ridiculous and the acting was awful. There is so much more that deserves to be trashed but I think it would be best if I just summed it up this way: This movie sucks.

The only thing positive to say about "Feeders" is that it has one of the greatest bad acting scenes ever committed to film. Two girls are on the phone and one of them says something like, "Wait. My dad will find out." It was incredible. She was reading off of a cue card. I rewound it about five times to make sure I saw this girl say these words with absolutely no emotion whatsoever. It was hysterical.

So aside from seeing that girl do one of the most hilarious bad acting performances ever, there's not anything to recommend about "Feeders". It wasn't good.


"Red to Kill" review

Red to Kill (1994)
AKA Yeuk saat

Director: Hin Sing 'Billy' Tang
Writer: Ho Wa Wong

Lily Chung ... Ming-Ming Yuk Kong
Money Lo ... Ka Lok Cheung (as Man Yee Lo)
Ben Ng ... Chi Wai Chan
Bobby Yip ... Ugly Mental Patient

Ming Ming has a hard life. A slightly retarded girl who has the misfortune to have a psycho fall in love with her. She gets sent to live in a home for the handicapped after her family dies. The guy who runs the home just happens to have one little quirky attribute about him. The color red irritates him to the point where he becomes a shaking, drooling rapist. Well, we can only hope Ming Ming does not wear red around this man. But since the movie is called "Red to Kill", it's a pretty safe bet she will. Sure enough, Ming Ming has the audacity to wear the color red and now it's on. Rape, violence, revenge and protracted sexual mutilation follow in quick succession.

"Red to Kill" is a Category III exploitation movie. I didn't fully appreciate what Category III meant until I saw this film. A beautifully shot film that lovingly explores the horror of rape. Ming Ming, (Lily Chung), is shown as a sweet, innocent girl who gets violently raped by her caretaker. The social worker who put Ming Ming in this predicament feels a tad guilty and tries to help her. This only leads down the path to more red-induced violence.

"Red to Kill" is a fine exploitation film. I enjoyed it. It's sad that Ming Ming had to suffer so much for me to get some Category III thrills. But Lily Chung should be commended for doing a great job in playing an innocent girl getting mauled. Chung also deserves a place in exploitation movie history for the longest sexual mutilation scene in history. After her rape, Ming Ming heads to the shower to cut off her pubic hairs. Ming Ming's shaving starts getting rougher and the blood starts to flow down the drain. A standout nasty scene that should have exploitation fans cheering. Poor Ming Ming.

SCORE: 3 out of 4 red Ming Mings

Friday, March 25, 2011

"Obsession: A Taste for Fear" review

Obsession: A Taste for Fear (1988)
AKA Un sapore di paura

Director: Piccio Raffanini
Writers: Jacques Goyard Piccio Raffanini

Virginia Hey ... Diane
GĂ©rard Darmon ... Georges
Gioia Scola ... Valerie
Dario Parisini ... Lt. Arnold
Carin McDonald ... Kim
Teagan Clive ... Teagan Morrison
Eva Grimaldi ... Pearl

Yet another rental from my terrible local video store. I wanted to check this one out because I had heard that it had the woman from "The Road Warrior" in it, (Virginia Hey). I'm a simple man seeking simple pleasures. It doesn't take much to excite me.

The title of the movie is "Obsession: A Taste for Fear". It's sold as a typical softcore sex thriller. Nothing in the title or on the video box would lead you to any other conclusion. So the movie is humming along, doing what softcore movies do, when all of a sudden something unexpected happens. Somebody fires a laser gun! What the heck? Who said this movie was set in the future? Who? What? Huh?!

After that, the movie derailed on me as I sat there imagining the producers having an imbecilic brainstorming session..."We need something unique here. Anybody can film two people having sex. The sex is still good mind you but we need a hook. Something flashy...I got it! Wait till you hear this! How about a laser gun?! YES! The audience will love it! Nothing sells a sex thriller better than laser guns."

Actually, nothing flushes a softcore movie down the toilet faster than laser guns. As for the plot, it had something to do with Virginia and her obsessions. She's a photographer who takes a lot of sleazy pictures. Her models are getting killed and the killer keeps firing laser cannons at her. There's also a female body builder and a lot of outrageous 80's fashion catastrophes. There are a few decent sex scenes but they always end up getting interrupted by laser blasts.

Did I mention there is a laser attack in this softcore movie? I suppose "Obsession: A Taste for Fear" was trying to be a unique addition to the giallo genre. It's not everyday you see random laser guns in these movies. It's so unique I never want to see or think of this movie again. Although I did enjoy seeing Virginia Hey get a taste for fear. She made the movie slightly bearable. Not much so but she did her best. Yes Virginia, there is a laser gun.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 laser dodging road warriors

Sunday, March 20, 2011

"Sexy Wives Sindrome" review

Sexy Wives Sindrome

Director: Sam Pepperman AKA Jim Wynorski
Writer: Steve Goldenberg

Frankie Cullen ... Mark
Cindy Lucas ... Nurse Kayla Belmont
Julie K. Smith ... Dr. Anderson / Jane Grabowski
Billy Chappell ... Shug
Rebecca Love ... Mandy
Angie Savage ... Lucy

Hard bodied wives are having sex issues. Can you guess who the doctor is they go to see for sexual healing? No, it's not me. It's Dr. Julie Smith with a degree in Tantric sexuality. She has healing hands and puts them to good use. She helps her patients come to grips with their fantasies. Since most humans fantasize about Julie Smith, she has just what they need to start performing with their partners. It's good to know that there are professionals out there who care about whether people get off or not. Julie Smith is here to help us all.

"Sexy Wives Sindrome" is another late night sex flick from Sam Pepperman. Oops, I mean Jim Wynorski. The man who never saw a blonde he didn't like. The man who cranks out skin flicks like he's trying to corner the market on late night cinema. The man who has nothing but contempt for his audience and films his movies as slipshod as he likes for there is no one to challenge him. Who's going to stop him? He's going to take over Cinemax one day. Well, at least the programming during the witching hour when the demons come out and they want to watch hot softcore action.

"Sexy Wives Sindrome" reminds us all on why we bother to watch Wynorski movies. The man loves Julie Smith and I have to respect that. I've said it before but I don't think it can be said enough. Julie Smith is amazing. If you're a breast man, (and I am!), she is a shining example of perfection. She's sexy, funny and has a body that will blow your mind. Yes, your mind will be blown. She has saved another Wynorski movie with her amazing body and carnal appetite. I'm not the first man to lust uncontrollably over Julie Smith and I won't be the last. She is easily the best element in softcore movies right now. Unless Sybil Danning makes a comeback, I don't see anyone usurping her.

In "Sexy Wives Sindrome" she has three sex scenes. The first one has her helping one of her female, (blonde), patients explore the full benefit of being under her care. The second has her banging a guy, (not blonde), in the exercise room. The third has her jumping in the hot tub with her female, (blonde of course), assistant so they can unwind after a hard day of discussing sexual fantasies. The sex scene with the guy is too goofy to enjoy, (they're using the gym equipment while going at it), but both scenes with the (blonde) women were great. Julie goes slow when she is with other women and takes her time with every lick and kiss. The meticulous attention to sapphic delights is appreciated.

There were some other things going on in "Sexy Wives Sindrome" but I wasn't too interested. Rebecca Love shows up for a couple of sex scenes but they didn't really stand out. There were some other random blonde women having sex but it didn't do much for me. The only one who can make any sense out of this late night affliction known as Sexy Wives Sindrome is Dr. Julie. She will remind you why watching softcore movies can be a beautiful thing.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 sexy Julie Sindromes